Reclaim your sanitywith Jamie McKenzie
Observer, The; Gladstone, Qld., Mar 3, 2010
YOU know when you spend ages choosing a new car - then you get it and a week later it seems like everyone else has the same car. What's with that? Well, I've been engaged to my fiancee for a while now, but ever since we decided on a date and a venue, it seems that everyone else is going through the same process.
I've also recently discovered newsagent's shelves seem to be packed with bridal magazines, but don't attempt picking one up on your own or you may crumple to the floor with lower-back spasms, because these magazines achieve roughly the same mass as Bronwyn Bishop with hundreds of pages of advertisements and articles designed to help the bride, as she gets ready for her Special Day, go completely insane.
In fact I think these magazines have contributed to more separations than weddings as the happy couple become filled with anxiety and inadequacy about throwing a $100,000 magazine dream wedding on a $5000 budget. And if that's not enough - the decisions they can expect to make are truly endless! Which is why tonight, while you're snoring carefree, some stressed-out bride-to-be, who had once hoped (the fool!) to get by with mixed nuts in a cup before she read her bridal magazines, will be staring at her bedroom ceiling, asking herself: "Tiny tins? Gossamer bags? Personalised ribbon?"
At dawn, she's still struggling to make this decision so she can get on with the other 158,000 critical bridal decisions - decisions she must make by herself, because she stopped talking to her mother weeks ago, following a bitter argument about the cake frosting. The bride, alone, must decide on her dress, shoes, flowers, invitations, place cards, caterer, photographer and all the other wedding elements that must be perfect or her Special Day will be ruined, ruined, ruined.
And don't tell me that the groom can help. Please. The groom is useless
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